We did it! We survived the first year of twin parenthood. During the early days of sleep deprivation and confusion, it was difficult to envision arriving at this milestone. There were many triumphs and quite a few hiccups along the way, but as the months passed, I felt myself growing confident that we would make it through. And here we are settling into a new stage of life and parenting: toddlerhood.
Watching our girls smash their cakes, open gifts, and look confusingly at everyone belting “Happy Birthday” was perfection. It warms my heart to scroll through the many photos that captured those perfect moments in celebration. In addition to warmth, however, I’ve been surprised at the influx of grief that I’ve encountered. The first coos, the first crawls, the first laughs, the first tastes of solid foods, and the first steps. It’s all happened so quickly and though I’m overjoyed to have 12-month-olds, I’m sad to leave the infant period behind.
From the first sponge bath that had us shaking in our boots to the fun, entertaining baths they scream excitedly to get in today. The first restless night home from the hospital to the first night that they slept entirely through (thank you, Ferber Method). From newborns with blank stares to enthusiastic little ones that open cabinets, bang on doors, and dance clumsily whenever a Sade music video comes on. There have been so many great things to reflect on over the last year.
And then there are some not-so-great things…such as one twin that frequently woke up the other. Dirty bottles piled up in the sink and spit up on every article of clothing in the house. Two crying babies and only two adult arms in which to offer comfort. A log to keep track of which baby last fed on which breast and the mix-ups that happened from soul-draining fatigue. Different preferences and needs that required an individualized approach, but on a synced-up schedule.
It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been filled with love; the unconditional kind that helps you take the messiness of the first year in stride. A deep love that reminds you that every diaper changed and every bottle made means something. A love that is so new and big that it’s difficult to find the words to express it. Take that deep new love, multiply it by two, and you’ve got yourself a twin mom.
As they’ve grown throughout the year, I’ve grown in courage as a new mother. I’m vastly different from the uncertain and frightened woman who was wheeled into Labor and Delivery one year ago. I left that hospital as a brand-new mother. I leave the first year with twins as a brand-new version of myself. I’ve grown in tenderness, grace, strength, and adaptability. I can’t think of a better way to end a monumental chapter.
So bittersweet. So exhausting. So beautiful. So fleeting. Perfectly imperfect. And it was all ours.
