If you have social media, you’ve likely believed at one time or another that you’re not doing enough. You’ve been privy to the aspects of motherhood that people actually want to share, thus leading you to make comparisons. The pressure to display the most fulfilling aspects of your role as a mother is ever-present. All of this and more is brought to the forefront of conversation via the latest cultural trends. Among the most popular current trends is the monthly milestone post. This particular post includes a posed photo that shares your baby’s age and developmental progress. It’s essentially the digital format of the traditional baby book.
Prior to pregnancy, I was under the impression that I was going to LOVE creating these posts. I’d brag about my baby’s adorable smile, strong grip, first mutterings, and progress toward toddlerhood each month. I imagined the cute little bows and booties that would adorn their small body. I envisioned the perfect shot with eyes toward the camera and any accents in perfect alignment. In other words, I envisioned a monthly picture that would be Pinterest-worthy.
I felt immense pressure to create these posts once my girls were born, though I was eager to take on the task initially. Even though I had double the number of babies to photograph, I believed that it would be worth it. It would be fun to share milestones for twins through coordinated outfits and catchy phrases.
It turned out to be anything but fun. Every month for the first eight months, I took dozens of photos just to find the ideal one to share. I matched their outfits as planned and moved them into position when they rolled, which was nearly every five seconds. I meticulously and repeatedly straightened their headbands. All of this work became even more taxing as they aged and started to embrace autonomy.
The milestone post felt like a requirement with a looming monthly deadline. I told myself that I might as well stick it out until the girls turned one. Otherwise, I might come off as lacking or people may assume that I don’t find my children to be special. Or maybe they’ll think that my children are behind developmentally if I don’t share that they’re meeting every expected benchmark. Or maybe I’ll look back and be mad at myself someday for not documenting every moment of their childhood in the method that was most popular at the time. Maybe I’ll feel like a failure. Whew. That’s a lot to take away from something as simple as a Facebook post, but my brain likes to complicate things in that way.
It all sounds ridiculous in the grand scheme of mothering, doesn’t it? In fact, it is quite trivial, but feelings like this arise for a reason. What makes something like a monthly milestone post so prevalent? Why do we feel so compelled to document every facet of our children’s lives with everyone we can reach? It’s my belief that such activities develop from the unrelenting urge to prove to others that we deserve to be moms. A need to feel validated as mothers because doing your best doesn’t feel good enough in a society where perfection is always on display.
I believe that this sort of pressure applies to other cultural trends as well. Fancy gender reveals and babymoons have become commonplace during pregnancy. People have literally caused fires and injuries in order to share the sex of their unborn babies online. And if you don’t post pictures cradling your baby bump on an island somewhere, what are you even achieving anyway? Then, there are the larger-than-life first birthday parties and posts about children’s first day of school that include a board with their age, grade, favorite subject, teacher’s name, and future career goals. All that’s missing is their social security number. Kidding! Please don’t post those.
In all seriousness, the bigger and more elaborate the social display, the more validated, accomplished, and special we feel. Now, if you gain pleasure from the creation of milestone posts or any of the aforementioned trends, please don’t take any of this as a personal insult. I sincerely hope that you continue to enjoy the creativity and love that can be gained from such celebrations and expressions. I’m sure that some women find these posts to be nothing more than an update for loved ones. But if you’re anything like me (a chronic, self-inflicted overthinker) who finds them to be reflective of their status as a mother, I hope this explains your sentiments. Perhaps it will enlighten you as to why such things may feel so urgent, important, and compulsive. Or guilt-inducing if not done or done well.
Following the latest social trend can’t lead to true validation as a mother. That can only come from within. If posts, parties, and the like are causing you more stress than joy, it’s time to call them quits. In 20 years, it’s 99.9% likely that our children won’t care about the ways in which we celebrated their birth and early development online (unless we overshared, but that’s a whole other discussion).
As for me, I stopped taking posed milestone photos after I realized that they weren’t that important. Lord knows that I take enough photos of my babies to fill an entire museum as it is. The candid photos that I capture each day are more than good enough for me. I’ve also quit investing so much time and energy into how my photos can be presented online. I’ve come to realize that the best indicator of my success as a mother is right in front of me; in the eyes and laughter of my children.
