I wrote this post for Motherly over the Summer as I was several months into a year-long deployment. Though the sentiments and struggles that I expressed in the post remain relevant, I’ve come up with a few more things to share since its creation. Mothers who are powering through parenthood while awaiting the return of their soldiers need as much support and validation as possible. This is particularly true of mothers raising multiples. Here are additional thoughts and experiences that may (hopefully) affirm others in a similar position.

When Time Passes Slowly

When You Lose Yourself Along the Way

I don’t know a single woman who hasn’t voiced concern over losing herself to motherhood. This is even more true of mothers who are flying solo. Without the help of your other half, you become enveloped by the necessities of your children and environment. Any ounce of individuality you once held is overpowered by your responsibility to your family and home. And there are no breaks in sight. It’s all on you.

Leaking pipe? You better find a plumber. Out of toilet paper? You better pack the babies up and head out in the rain. Worsening hip pain? Bummer. There’s no time to schedule recurring PT. Friend gathering at the local brewery? Better luck next year. Shift available at work? Well, it definitely won’t be YOU working it, even if you want the extra funds.

As a partner of a deployed soldier, you know that you won’t be a “single parent” forever; however, that doesn’t negate your feelings of loss. Not only do you look forward to getting your loved one back, but you also look forward to getting pieces of yourself back. Upon their return, household duties and family activities can be rightfully shared with your partner, as they were always meant to be. And you can finally get some physical therapy for that painful hip (speaking to myself here).

When Worry Just Won’t Quit

Fear and anxiety are no strangers to me. They follow me through the days and weeks as I navigate this period of uncertainty. They are unwelcome guests in this household, but they don’t seem to care much about my preferences. Fear and anxiety lead to insurmountable worry as it pertains to deployment.

You worry about your partner’s safety. You worry that he will come home a different person. You worry that he won’t like who you’ve become while in survival mode. You worry that your newfound and necessary routines will bore him or that he will ruin all you’ve built as a result of seeking normalcy. You worry that your children won’t recognize him or include him in their play. You worry that you won’t be enough for whatever version of him walks through that door. You worry that this will happen again.

These are all fears that I’ve encountered throughout this process, especially as I trudge through these final weeks. They are real and they are normal.

Embrace the Chaos, Again

So what do you do with these struggles? As I mentioned in my original post, embrace them. Deployment brings about a myriad of difficult feelings and thoughts, all of which are valid. When attempting to combat fear, fatigue, helplessness, and a loss of self, you have to find small ways to fight back.

Don’t watch the news unless you have to. Facetime a close friend who will listen, but not preach positivity. Skip the checkout line and utilize a grocery delivery service on an especially difficult day. Send your partner a heartfelt message while the kids play in the bathtub. Buy yourself a special mug with a cheesy affirmation that reminds you to keep going. Use lavender detergent to wash your sheets and wear a fancy nightgown for some especially restful sleep. Don’t forget the chamomile tea to help you drift off!

Remember, it’s the little things that make the days more manageable. As I often repeat to myself in the mirror: you can and will get through this. You’re a mother and you’re strong like that.